MAULER

How To Teach A-Level English In Ten Easy Steps (By A.J. Murtagh)

1. Learn to read

    

2. Find a published literary criticism with big words in and casually read it out in class

    

3. Get on chummy terms with your pupils by chatting about:
   1. Your Shoes
      Someone not very clever who you used to tech but don't anymore
      your wife's pink knickers

    

4. Find a huge dictionary, write "desk copy" on the side and thumb through it musingly.

    

5. Don't bother reading the set books. Just get the set to do it and ask for their opinions, which will probably be more intelligent than yours anyway

    

6. Don't overwork your students. Start each lesson 5 minutes late and finish it ten minutes early.

    

7. Buy a bingo machine that produces random numbers. This reduces marking time considerably.

    

8. Ensure that there is always a crisis in No 7 to run off to should things get desperate. This should'nt be too tricky.

    

9. Get a trendy spike, but don't let on you're going bald.

    

10. "Right, that'll do. Goodbye!"
    

     

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