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ELLERSLIE ENTERS THE 90's
Ellerslie sixth form can be neatly divided into several categories;
First there is the Upper 6th and Lower 6th. Nobody bothers with the
Upper 6th because we've moved onto to better things, apart from Will
Neate who is still after Claire Rufus because he knows that she's
easier than puking after a drinking competition with SimonFieldhouse.
But he still cant get it together so there's a poignant message.*
Now it's commonlolowedge that Ellerslie L6th is crap,but some are
undoubtedly more crap than others. Those who I shall categorize as
bringing a new dimension to the word crap have several giveaway
traits. First and foremost, they are frequently seen speaking to, or
even like Mat Terry. Now he really is a wanker, and his best
only friend looks like a girl. Another giveaway sign is that they all
have a communal smell, that of a tart's handkerchief. This is because
that at any one time they will be wearing the clothes of at least
four of their crap friends, and the various (very crap) perfumes
mingle and chemically react, often with quite spectacular results, to
produce the most ungodly hum ever to offend one's nostrils.
Then there are the ones who are just crap. These are also easily
recognised. They often have incredibly silly hats, and wear either
dungarees which make them look like a painter and decorator (this
image being enhanced by their total inability to apply their make-up
to the right area of their face), or ridiculous baggy trousers so
sickeningly flowery that the mere sight of them makes your nose go
runny and your eyes stream as if you had the most wicked hayfever
ever known to man.
Last of all I would like to mention the members of Ellerslie who are
not crap.
I really would love to.
But as you may have guessed, ca n'existe pas!
*Information correct at time of going to press.
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